am i married to……..
be accepted?
not feel lonely?
be loved?
have a family?
have kids?
fill a void?
or just FEEL HAPPY? (notice how all these reasons are about me–news alert: i’m selfish.)
or am i married to…….
show others about how God’s forgiveness can be demonstrated in an earthly relationship?
help shine light on my own flaws and sinful heart?
have a partner in service for the Lord?
or BECOME HOLY (ier) and more like Christ?
if i’m not married to my husband purely for my own happiness, then wow, that takes a lot of pressure off of him to be my portrait of “prince charming.”
i no longer have to pick apart his flaws (or character traits that make me feel less-than-happy).
i can focus my energies on pleasing God more than pleasing myself and that will undoubtedly overflow into my words, thoughts, and actions toward my husband.
seems so simple.
yet, a daily challenge.
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Jon and I are studying the book “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas and it has really been changing my perspective on marriage. definitely worth some discussion.
what do you think?
why did you get married, originally?
what’s your purpose in being married now?
I LOVE this! David and I got married because we realized that the best way for us to glorify God, and minister His gospel was together. Truly – I remember when we realized that our lives and ministries would be even better – even greater, if they were one life….one ministry. And, at least so far, that has been true.
Love this post Andi! =)
Lauren & I aren’t married yet, but it is in our future and by then there should be acceptance for us to be seen as a legally married couple despite being a lesbian couple.
I’m marrying her because it is my ultimate profession of love to her, and I want the world to know it.
Love this! I will have to check out this book!
Love this! This topic has been on my mind a lot. I have been married for 8 years and it seems like this year more than ever we are feeling pretty solid in our marriage while hearing news of SO MANY people we know separating and divorcing. I will have to check out that book!
Great post Andi. I think far too many people get married with the expectation of “happiness”. We as a culture need to reevaluate what marriage means. Sacred Marriage is my favorite book on marriage! So many of the other books are cheesy and try to oversimplify relationships into men wanting respect and women wanting to be beautiful??? Gary Thomas actually gets it right when he says that marriage is created to make us holier, not happier.
couldn’t agree more about the cheesy books–been there, done that. i’m loving the book so far and thankful that jon is reading it too.
This is such a powerful post! I’m not married yet, but it really puts in perspective reasons why I want to be and is a great jumping off point for conversation. Thank you for sharing! xo
This is something my husband and I have been discussing recently. We first started saying we got married because we cared for each other and didn’t want to be alone. For a while it seemed like a negative thing, making us wonder if we married for the wrong reasons. Then I went back to the beginning — back to Genesis — and God says, “It is not good that man should be alone, so I will make a helpmeet suitable to him.” I realized that it’s not a bad thing. There’s no such thing as soul mates, which we often want to selfishly long for. The woman was made for the man so he wouldn’t be alone. (The man is to worship Christ, not his woman [and vice versa] which the concept of soul mates implies: two souls destined to worship each other. * thumbs down* *obnoxious spitting sound*) It’s about what kind of wife you are for your husband. Are you contemptuous and full of bitterness, or does he see Christ shining bright? It is a daily conscious effort on our part. I have been trying to ask myself each day, What would Patrick appreciate having done today? Yesterday it was laundry and fresh baked cookies. I packed some of the cookies his lunch today. Not sure what today is yet, but I’m sure the Lord will show me something!
I guess it’s about learning what love is and what love isn’t. LOVE isn’t a feeling. It’s not that elation you get when they walk into the room or send you sweet nothings. That’s affection, infatuation. LOVE is patient, LOVE is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. LOVE does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) I like that it says love always perseveres!
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oh you are so right on! thanks for the beautiful reminder and confirmation. God is so good to grant us marriage as a way of comfort to us as well as a way to bring Glory to Him.
blessings to you!
Love this post. It’s so important to remember that marriage is for our holiness and not our happiness. I have been wanting to read Sacred Marriage! I need to finally DO it!
it’s been really eye-opening for me. i’d strongly encourage you to do it, friend! thanks for joining in the convo
Seriously Andi, how is it possible that we are always on the same page like this!!??? I have read this book too (need to get the hubby to as well!) and was blown away by it. The whole concept that your spouse it not meant for your happiness but rather your holiness was an “ah-ha” moment for me. It’s so easy to concentrate on all the aspects of your spouse that annoy you or frustrate you, but it’s so freeing to turn that around and remember that some of those very aspects of your spouse are being used by God to refine and grow you. I know for a fact that although Mike and I were both Christians when we got married, we definitely thought it would be a fairytale kind of story where we would have no trouble loving each other forever. Well, 6 years and 2 kids in we now know that some days it’s a CHOICE to love and serve each other and it doesn’t just happen naturally.
I am so thankful that God is the designer of the institution of marriage. He really knew what He was doing. 
He sure does! the concept that i’m trying to wrap my head around is that maybe God designed marriage as a primary purpose for showing us in “humananly understandable” terms, His great love, forgiveness, and grace to us. perhaps we would have even less of an understanding without the analogy of marriage to relate it to. very interesting thought. oh, and i got the book from you—pitched it to my small group and voila! thanks!
oh and there are still 2 Creative Estates tickets left if you are interested in going with me!
i’ve been married 2.5 years and i think i strive for using our marriage to become a holy woman and help my husband reach Heaven but i don’t think i do a good job at it. at times we’re on the ball… but more often then not our marriage is filled with repenting and loving each other in spite of our flaws. maybe that’s how we become holy… by looking beyond what our preferences are in order to see that the person we married is in fact a child of god.
couldn’t agree more! you are a woman to admire, thanks for joining in the conversation.
first of all, GORGEOUS bride! you look amazing! (and so much like you do today – which i LOVE! it’s REALLY you – not some “totally done up” version of you!)
LOVE that book. AND his parenting one. they are SO good and really make you realize how selfish you (talking to myself here) are. but point you to Him and don’t just make you feel guilty! thanks for the reminders!
oh geesh, i distinctly remember thinking…”this is as good as i’ll ever look” on my wedding day and it was true! oh well, my husband keeps getting cuter
i’m definitely going to get his parenting book. i didn’t even know he had one! see you tomorrow at the pump?
So beautiful! I love everything you said!!
I need to frame this
hi heather! thanks for your sweet words and for stopping by.
good post.
i am not married. my partner blake and i have been together for a few years and have no intention of ever getting married.
i dont think its necessary. neither of us care about it. there is nothing separating us from other married couples. we take turn doing the dishes. plan on having a family. share a bank account and talk about growing old together.
i know without a doubt that he is my other half & that is good enough for me.
Hi diana,
I hope you didn’t think I was implying anyone HAS to get married. My hope is that you are very happy in whatever situation you have chosen. Thanks for joining in on the conversation.
I completely agree with you. Sacred Marriage is a great book. I have read and re-read it several times. Through our premarital counseling at our church, I think we had a good understanding of God’s purpose for marriage before entering in. However, actually being married and now living it out we see, sometimes painfully, just how we are being sanctified through this covenant relationship. I have been shocked at times at how/what marriage has revealed selfishness, pride, and down right ugliness in my life. I’m so thankful for my husband who extends Christ’s love, forgiveness and grace to me daily and loves me in spite of it all.
Currently, we are reading Driscoll’s Real Marriage book together, which we are really enjoying. I love doing things like this with my husband, knowing that we are on the same page, desiring the same things, and willing to learn about each other to serve the other better, all to make God more famous!
wow, thanks so much for leaving such a great comment. I heard that Driscoll’s book is good too and has a few Riskay things in it as well!
thanks for stopping by and joining in the discussion!
I love this post Andi!! Thank you for giving me a lot to think about and inspiring me to be more intentional in my marriage. Love it!
This is great. So many times we seek out relationships only in hopes that it will make US feel better about ourselves. The reality is, in falling more in love with Christ we become more loving and even much more lovable.
Great post!
-stumblingintograce
thanks for your kind and encouraging words, emily. i’m reading the book Sacred Marriage and it is really turning my whole view/purpose of marriage around to a more biblically sound view. i highly recommend reading it!
Andi: I’m not married…yet. But I have really been working on developing myself into the woman I need to be when that time does come. Now I know you can’t ever be FULLY ready for marriage…but you can weed out some of the junk first, ya know? I will have to check out that book..I just ordered Joyce Meyers, “Living Beyond Your Feelings,” and looking forward to diving into it!